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We shared a house, political viewpoints, the responsibility of raising two small kids.
For our birthdays, we bought each other things like electric blankets and warm wool socks and a Vitamix blender for making soup. Maybe there wasn’t much in the way of excitement, novelty, or fun.
For the first time in 16 years, men who were not my husband looked at me (or at least at pictures of me), and told me they liked what they saw.
As a single woman, I might have rolled my eyes at their ogling. It reminded me of how tipsy I got from the first beer I drank after nine months of pregnancy abstention.
The relationships sought from these sites are usually short-term and sexual in nature.
These sites are not for people who are seeking out a serious or long-term committed relationship.
At the same time, I could feel how exhausting the very same experience would be were I a single person looking for a committed life partner, a person with whom I wanted to live and own property and raise children. “Isn’t winking what you do when you’re not being explicit? After a day or two, he told me he was coming to Chicago for a friend’s wedding and asked if he could take me out for dinner.
In just a few days, men I’d never met had offered to date me, to degrade me, to make me come a dozen times, to take me to dinner, to take me to Paris, to make me couscous.
Usually users of the sites are married or attached and are seeking fun outside of their relationship.
Other users may not be attached themselves, but enjoy the excitement of engaging with people having an affair, or simple do not wish to have a committed relationship themselves so an affair suits them best.
I’d only encountered this level of male entitlement in other people’s personal essays. When I told him I didn’t think this would be possible, he grew angry and sullen, sent a stream of raging texts. When I come to the States for a holiday, all I want is to have fun and relax and enjoy a threesome with two beautiful, married women. Matches were harder to come by, and when Pete reiterated to the women he matched with that he was in fact married, they did not think it was fabulous or awesome.
When he countered that experimenting with dating apps had been his wife’s idea, not his, they doubted and derided him.