Online dating for abstinence

Recently, he met a girl on the app Bumble, and the two began to casually date.

At first, she welcomed the emotional vulnerability between the two of them.

Quantification can destroy our very for the unique: seeking love through an algorithm necessitates that we look for some sort of golden mean, some perfect conglomeration of ideal attributes.

Thus, we do not see Andrew or Carl—we see Andrew, the 70 percent match, or Carl, the 94 percent match.

We use Yelp to check every restaurant, pick movies via Rotten Tomatoes, use wine apps to purchase the perfect bottle.

Because we are so anxious to control outcomes, we are unable to take any real risks.

But we forget, in the midst of our controlling, that it is absolutely impossible to eliminate all risk.

Asher, who hosts and produces a storytelling group in New York, has been dating online for seven years.Quantification requires open books: not mysterious, deep, changeable, thoughtful individuals.But we need mystery for true relational intimacy—because it is through the sharing of our deeper selves that we grow in love and devotion.We are fascinated with Buzzfeed quizzes, personality tests, and scientific studies: enchanted by the prospect that reading from a print book improves your brain, that friendship is good for your health, that married people are financially better off. You should get married because whoever your potential spouse is—Andrew or Carl, Mary or Jane—you love them.It’s about taking the great leap of enchantment: seeing the other, and prizing them for who they are, in all their mystery and imperfection and potentiality.

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